Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize