im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
