are you still at the devil's house?
Soap is not a condiment
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
