AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
