oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
