it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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