Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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