i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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