im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize