i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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