He disabled his match.com account in front of me
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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