every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
