tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
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