i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
