Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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