Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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