I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
