Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Be still, my beating vagina.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
