Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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