This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize