we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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