Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize