weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i came on her dog
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
