my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Why can't burritos get me drunk
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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