if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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