At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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