You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
