According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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