She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
