does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
