I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
