I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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