we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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