is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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