Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
