do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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