mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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