Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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