What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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