they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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