stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
