he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
