dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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