before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
