When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
