So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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