bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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