and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
