I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
