State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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