I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
