It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
