The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Randomize
