just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
