I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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