god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
