his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
