you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Reggie can tackle my bush.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize