It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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