you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
