my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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