I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
