i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
